How embarrassing is embarrassing?..

I started composing this post with opposing emotions of hatred and hope. Yet, I am empowered of this positive force that for sometime I belong to the set of young people striving so hard to win the struggle of life’s circumstances.

At some point. I am aware of the rapid growth of population in the country. Because of lack of employment due to decreasing stability of our economy that causes local and foreign companies closed, laziness of irresponsible people, starvation, crimes, poverty, we are half-way ending up with this rude, cruel and pathetic world. (I am not that hopeless, though it seems the other way around).

Another painful fact I observed is very typical yet must be atypical to families of today. That those couples (especially in the squatter’s area) who cannot provide adequate food, clothing and shelter for their children and family, are still the ones who are likely to build big family with big numbers of children. (I disagree that “the more the merrier” not with this issue! I am thankful because of having one rival-sibling, huh). The result…greater sadness to those poor children, forced to labor, with no choice but to wander the unsafe roads to yearn for food, money and clothing to those kind and snob people. To this fact, we face a different picture of living. An undesired life. A pathetic one.

Actually, the real story goes this way. It happened not only once but twice. For now, I did developed a phobia because of these two traumatic experiences. I really wanted voice out the shame to the parents of those two very young devils (I mean disqualified angels), disappointment for being so irresponsible and anger that I have met them. I am just afraid that this preoccupation will lead me to psychosis, so I have to release negative forces to regain emotional homeostasis.

Scene 1. After my last day of RLE (related-learning experience) for the last rotation for our advance duty, I decided to go home after changing clothes. Before I went at the city plaza to wait for a bus, I bought snacks in a fastfood chain (to satisfy my hunger). After a while, two kids came near me and asked for money. The older one was asking five pesos, and the younger one asked one peso only (huh, I wonder how wise those kids, asking with specific amount huh). I checked my pocket if I have coins, thank God, I still have two pesos. I asked for an apology to the older one that I can only give him one peso. Then, he just said that I should give him my food. I told him that I can’t because I haven’t eaten my lunch yet. Still, he struggled to get it, but I moved fast and protected my food. Meanwhile, he kicked my pants and said “imut!” and they finally ran. Wow! I felt that all my blood went on my face. I started to tremble because all people in the waiting shed were staring at me. One said, “grabe naman yung mga batang yun!” Other one said, “miss ok ka lang, yaan mo na yung mga bata, alang breeding eh”

At that moment, I wanted to put down my bag and food. Everything turned to black. I wanted to run, catch and scold them. Hmmm… I wanted to scream and cry, yet chose to comfort my self not to so to decrease aggravating my embarrassment. (nagngingitngit talaga ako sa loob ng bus). Forgive then forget.

Scene 2. I must supposed to feel happiness then. Last Sunday, I went in the church to attend the five o’clock mass. It happened that I seated on the second row infront. After few minutes, I saw those two dirty and thin devils again, fast-approaching towards me. That time, I wanted to scream and throw them away. “Kwartam man”, they chorused. It just so bad, that I have no coins. “ Awan ading,” I said. Again, they shouted me, “imut!” My God, for the second time, I palpitated and wanted to walk out the church. I lost the essence of my focus and preparation for the mass’ celebration. The woman beside me comfortingly said that I should ignore them and not be bothered. I was about to hyperventilate. Thank God, I know how to control my internal environment. I sighed a lot. (because of the event, I decided not to have the communion, though I emotionally and spiritually communed with Him).

I believe that I am not a bad person. (positive effect of this event was that, I exercised my flexibility and patience with different situations, happy, sad, embarrassing, and the like. I just hope that I develop resistance and never panic again)

I just wish I won’t experience those happenings again. Perhaps, if it will, I might transformed and be like Shrek, mighty and bold when angry). With these events, I have four things on mind.

    1. “HINDI LAHAT NG PULUBI AY DAPAT KAAWAAN.” 

   2. To the irresponsible parents of those two kids, I must say that you are accountable for their growth and development. What they are greatly reflects who you are. Do not just engaged self in for short-term happiness and love-making without considering your responsibilities after bringing kids to this world. We don’t need those kind of kids who will soon be the future of this land.

    3. To those two young kids, I really pity you a lot. For in time, you might be two of the most wanted criminals of this strange world. I will salute you two if you will mold yourself with good manners and right conducts. Don’t be like your parents.

    4.I must admit that I am typing this in the heights of my anger, I want to apologize this for being rude with words. Truth hurts! That’s true. I hope, and I strongly pray that your family will be blessed not anymore with kids, but with food, so that they will not cry for hunger, and never dare to put anyone else into an embarrassing moment just like mine.

    So help them God.